


Remember Me

by elijahsjuul



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, regan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elijahsjuul/pseuds/elijahsjuul
Summary: The apocalypse is always hard. Especially for Rick Grimes. Losing the one person that mattered the most to him in the beginning was the worst he thought it could get. Then, he realizes that there is something far worse.Being forgotten.(Based off the oneshot in my oneshots book titled Negan. Go read if you want!)
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Rick Grimes, Maggie Greene & Rick Grimes, Rick Grimes & Carol Peletier, Rick Grimes & Glenn Rhee, Rick Grimes & Michonne, Rick Grimes/Negan
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

The oneshot is on my wattpad!! @elijahsjuul, titled Negan.


	2. It's Over

Rick rolled out of bed, realizing that he was alone in his bed. Strange. Negan normally woke him up early in the morning, but Negan was nowhere to be found. He pulled on a clean shirt - that Carol had washed yesterday - and his boots, and walked out of the tent. Everyone was already up and about, buzzing around and talking amongst themselves.

"Morning Rick" Carol greeted him with a smile. 

"Morning Carol" Rick smiled back, waving.

"Carl and Judith are with Andrea right now" she answered his question before he could even ask it. He smiled, nodding. He'd been with this group for just over two months, and it had been good.

"Have you seen Negan?" Rick asked, and she shook her head.

"Not lately. He said he was going out to look for supplies, but he hasn't been back. I think he went with Glenn and Daryl." she responded, and he nodded. He helped out around the camp, cleaning guns, washing clothes. Just keeping himself busy. 

When the red car came to a screeching halt, he looked up. Glenn and Daryl got out, covered in blood and dirt. Negan wasn't with them. He walked over, frowning.

"Where's Negan?" he questioned, and they looked at him. 

"Rick..." Glenn started, but sighed softly. The others had been alerted now, and were approaching the trio curiously. 

"We found a mall, we were going store to store grabbing things when walkers got in. We started going for the fire escape, but they were coming from all directions. Negan told us to go, that he'd meet us back here." Daryl said bluntly, and Rick tried to process what he'd just been told.

"So what, he's dead?" Rick questioned.

"We think so. We haven't heard from him, haven't seen him... I'm sorry Rick." Glenn sighed, and Rick was quiet, shock hitting him like a brick wall.

"We'll go out looking for him right now." Shane declared, and got in a car.

They all went out, Dale stayed behind with Carl and Judith, and they split into groups of two or three. Combing the buildings, searching for a sign of Negan. 

"Rick!" Shane called from down the hall, and Rick looked over. Shane was holding up Negan's gun. Rick's heart sank as he went over to Shane.

"Chamber is empty, there are a lot of dead walkers around here. He must've killed some. I don't see him so maybe he got away?" Shane tried to keep their hopes up, but Rick was already realizing that he'd lost Negan. He'd lost him. After he just got him. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all. His mind was a jumble of thoughts, of pain, hurt, grief. 

"It's over, Shane. He's gone." Rick replied, and Shane looked at him.

"Hey, Rick, don't give up man. We can get Negan back" Shane insisted, but Rick was already convinced. It was over, he lost the one person that he loved the most. 

"It's over." Rick whispered, heart sinking.


	3. Negan.

When Rick lost Negan, it had been early on in the apocalypse. Rick and his group had moved on, and eventually, after losing almost everyone, he found Alexandria, with his new group. With Michonne, and Daryl, and Maggie, and Carol, and Glenn. He was grateful for his family, he really was. That's what they were to him. But, he couldn't help but wonder how it could've gone differently if Negan had stayed around. If he hadn't lost him. After he lost Lori before the apocalypse, he fell for Negan quickly. They stuck together, and Negan helped him care for Carl and Judith. Then the apocalypse hit, after Rick had been shot on duty. He thought he'd lost them all. When he found them, he'd been so relieved that they made it. So happy that Shane kept them safe. But then he found out about Negan and Shane, and everything that had happened. That was really when everything started coming apart.

A series of deaths had followed when Rick found the group. First it was Ed, then Amy, then Negan, Jim, Dr. Jenner, Jacqui, Sophia, Shane. The list went on, and now, all that was left of that original group was Rick, Carl, Judith, Carol, Daryl and Glenn. So much had changed since then, and Rick couldn't help but think about how proud Negan would be of the group. How far they'd come. Rick hadn't been with anyone since Negan. He couldn't make himself move on, because there was a tiny voice in his head that told him that Negan didn't die, that he was alive. They just had to find him.

Rick had returned from a supply run with Daryl, Carol, and Glenn the day before. It had been quite successful, and he was happy with what they found. Now, he was out on a walk around Alexandria, just to check up on everyone.

"Rick!" Michonne called his name, and he stopped walking, turning and looking at her. She caught up with him breathless, and he raised a brow.

"What's up?" he questioned.

"Something happened yesterday while you were out, I've been looking all over for you." Michonne started, and he frowned a little.

"Is everyone alright? What happened?" he asked.

"A man came to the gate yesterday. He had... a whole army of people, Rick. We couldn't fight him even if we wanted to." Michonne sighed softly, and Rick led her up onto his front porch and motioned for her to sit down.

"What did he want?" he inquired.

"He wanted half our supplies. Food, weapons, everything." Michonne replied, and Rick frowned.

"Thank god we found that food yesterday. We'll go out later, find more guns." Rick decided, and Michonne nodded.

"Is everyone okay?" he asked again.

"Yeah, everyone's fine." she responded, and he felt a weight lift off his shoulders.

"Good." he nodded. She got up, stretching a little and walking down the steps.

"Hey, did you get a name?" Rick stood up, looking at her over the railing.

"Yeah, the group called themselves the Saviours." Michonne stopped walking, turning to Rick.

"I think I've heard people at the Hilltop talk about them. How about the guy? The leader?" Rick asked, and Michonne seemed to think for a moment.

"I think his name... it started with an N..." she paused, frowning a little.

"N? Alright, we can-"

"Negan. That was his name." Michonne cut him off, and Rick felt his blood run cold.

"Negan? Are you positive?" Rick asked quietly, gripping the railing with white knuckles.

"Rick are you okay? Do you know this guy?" Michonne returned to the porch, guiding Rick onto one of the chairs.

"I'm fine." Rick replied, and she frowned a little. Rick had to talk to Glenn, or Carol, or Daryl. Someone that knew who Negan was.

"What did he look like?" Rick asked, looking at her. Her eyes were filled with concern, a hand resting on his shoulder.

"Brown eyes, roughly 6'0", maybe taller. Grey beard, dark hair, leather jacket." Michonne gave a brief description of Negan. Rick's Negan.

"Alright. I have to talk to Daryl." Rick got up, and without another word, walked away in search of the bowman.

"Are you positive it's him?" Daryl was sitting up on the railing of the house he shared with Carol. Carol walked out of the house with a pitcher of lemonade.

"I haven't seen him, but the description Michonne gave me sounds exactly like him." Rick replied, shifting on the post he was leaning against.

"What a coincidence that we were all out when he came here." Daryl muttered, accepting the glass of lemonade Carol offered him with a nod as a thank you. Rick took his glass from her, smiling gratefully as he sipped the drink.

"Does she know where he went? Maybe we can find him and talk to him. Me, you, Daryl and Glenn." Carol suggested, and Rick sighed.

"I don't think she knows where he went. She said he showed up at our gate, took half our supplies and left." Rick responded.

"I think we should go find him." Daryl declared, resting his glass of lemonade on his leg.

"I think we should stay put until he comes back." Carol looked at Rick.

"I don't know. What if he doesn't come back?" Rick rubbed his eyes. This was too much for him to process, and it was giving him a headache. Negan was alive. How was he alive? Where had he been? Who were these Saviours? Why was Negan hanging around them?

"I'm just... scared. What if it is him? What if something happened to him? What if he hates me?" Rick couldn't stop the fears from coming out of his mouth, spilling out without him wanting them.

"Rick..." Carol started, and Rick drank his lemonade to try and stop the emotions from taking over.

"If it is him, we'll bring him home." Daryl got off the railing, leaving his glass of lemonade on the little table and hugging Rick. Rick was taken by surprise, but gratefully accepted the hug. Daryl wasn't one for physical affection, so Rick wasn't totally sure where this was coming from. But he wasn't going to push him away.

A week passed, and there was honking at the gates. Rick was sitting with Maggie, Carl and Judith, talking about food rations and what little information she knew about the Saviours. Rick got up, walking down the stairs and going to the gates, telling Carl to stay behind with Judith. Maggie followed curiously, and Rick found that Michonne, Daryl, Glenn and Carol were at the gates. Glenn opened the gate, revealing a man with greying hair and a handlebar moustache like Abraham's.

"Who are you?" Rick called, looking at the man, peering against the blinding sun.

"My name's Simon! Who are you? You weren't here last time we were here!" the man - Simon - replied.

"My names Rick Grimes." Rick replied. A car door opened, and someone stepped out. Rick couldn't make out a face, the sun was too bright in his eyes.

"Rick Grimes! Shit, come over here boss!" Simon called over his shoulder, and the man that stepped out of the vehicle approached the gate. Once he got closer to the gate, Rick felt his blood go cold.

"Rick..." Daryl whispered beside him, and Rick felt Carol and Glenn looking at him as well.

"Open up the gate, let my boss meet you properly!" Simon called. Glenn hesitated, but opened the gate. Simon walked in, followed by a whole group of people, and the man he called his boss. They went right to Rick and Daryl, and Rick felt like his limbs were frozen in place.

"Hi, I'm Negan." the man grinned.


	4. Leave

"Hi, I'm Negan." the man grinned. Rick was frozen. Completely frozen. 

"Who is this?" Negan looked at Daryl. Rick saw Daryl clench his jaw a little. 

"I'm Daryl." Daryl answered, and Negan grinned, looking him up and down. 

"Nice to meet you Daryl. Are you Rick's right hand man? Simon is my right hand man, and all good leaders have a right hand man!" Negan exclaimed, and Rick nodded.

"Why are you here?" Daryl was speaking for Rick, who had been rendered speechless. It almost looked as if nothing about Negan had changed. He still had that stupid leather jacket, the stupid bat he had, the shit eating grin. His beard had only gotten the slightest bit greyer, but otherwise he was the same as the last day Rick had seen him.

"This is a weekly thing, Daryl! We're here for half your supplies!" Negan responded, and Rick's shoulders slumped a little.

"Negan, come on. You seriously don't remember us?" Glenn exclaimed, and Negan turned to look at him.

"Who are you?" Negan cocked his head, looking at Glenn curiously. Glenn remained silent though, simply staring Negan down.

"Just take what you want." Rick spoke up, and Negan whirled around to look at him.

"You're absolutely right we're taking what we want." Negan smirked, and slung an arm around Rick and Daryl's shoulders. Rick went rigid under him, eyes widening.

"Simon, why don't you take Daryl for a chat. I'm going to talk to our guy Rick here." Negan declared, shoving Daryl towards Simon a little. Negan started to walk away with Rick, but paused.

"Arat!" he called, turning his back to Rick and letting his arm leave Rick's shoulders. A woman stepped forward, a gun in hand. 

"Go make sure we get some cool shit." Negan ordered, and Carol went over to Rick. 

"Get Carl and Judith and bring them to your house. Now." Rick ordered quietly before Carol could say a word. She didn't answer, simply walking away as Negan turned back around. 

"Alright Ricky Grimes, take me on a grand tour!" Negan exclaimed, and Rick nodded. Rick took him around Alexandria, showing him the pantry, the armoury, the gardens. Everything there was to see.

"Rick, why don't you take me to your place?" Negan suggested, and Rick bristled. Take Negan to his house? Thank god he told Carol to take Judith and Carl. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Carl saw Negan, much less Judith. They were both old enough to remember Negan, and seeing him this way would hurt them. Rick couldn't have that. 

"Uh... alright..." Rick muttered, taking a deep breath and leading Negan down the sidewalk. Simon and Daryl were coming from the other way, and Daryl was visibly uncomfortable as Simon talked animatedly. 

"Boss! Rick! Hey!" Simon greeted, and grabbed Daryl's arm, hurrying down the sidewalk with a reluctant Daryl.

"Hey Simon! Daryl take you on a tour of the place?" Negan inquired, and Simon nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, I did most of the talking though" Simon chuckled, and Daryl met Rick's gaze. Slipping out from under Negan's arm, Rick pulled Daryl to his side. Negan saw that though, and looked at them.

"What, you don't like our company?" Negan demanded, and Rick felt his muscles tense.

"I think it's best you leave, Negan." Rick challenged him, and Negan's eyes flickered with excitement, a smirk growing yet again on his face. He turned towards Rick, and Rick instinctively pushed Daryl behind him a little, trying to protect him. 

"Are you trying to be bold, Ricky?" Negan questioned, and Rick glared at him. It hurt, it hurt him so bad to see what Negan had become. It hurt him more than he ever thought something could hurt. 

"I think you need to leave." Rick retorted, keeping his voice steady. Negan neared him, and they were barely two inches apart when Negan stopped, his bat dangerously close to him.

"I don't think you like me, Rick." Negan commented, looking at Rick with a broad smile. 

"What makes you think that?" Rick inquired, deciding to play Negan's little game.

"You've been so tense since I got here. And I can tell you just want me to leave so you can be alone. What, you wanna jerk off or something? Cause I can help you in that department if you really want." Negan licked his lips, and Rick flushed bright red. Christ, Negan was still a flirt. How had he not seen that coming. 

"No. I want you to leave." Rick surprisingly stood his ground, and he felt Daryl watching them warily. Simon was watching too, his arms crossed and an amused smirk playing on his lips. 

"Negan!" the woman from earlier - Arat - called his name, approaching the group of four. Rick felt like he could finally breathe again when Negan stepped away, looking at her.

"Arat, are we good to go?" Negan asked, and she nodded.

"We're just waiting on you and Simon." she responded. Negan nodded, turning to Simon.

"Start heading over to to trucks. I'll be right there." Negan instructed, and Simon nodded.

"Bye Daryl!" Simon called, waving as he walked away. Negan turned his attention back to Rick.

"To be continued, Rick Grimes." Negan almost growled, and it sent a shiver up Rick's spine. With that, Negan left, walking back to his trucks and leaving Rick reeling in old memories.


	5. The Problem

Negan looked at Rick expectantly, waiting for him to answer his question. Rick was speechless, eyes wide, going even redder.

"What the hell do you want?" Daryl jumped to Rick's rescue, and Rick silently thanked the man for the second time that day. Negan smiled, looking at Daryl curiously.

"Arat, Simon, why don't you stay here with these lovely people. I wanna have a talk with Ricky boy over here." Negan approached Rick, and Rick could feel his heart beating out of his chest. Negan put an arm around his shoulder again, and walked out, Rick shooting desperate glances at the others.

"So, Rick," Negan walked out of the house, closing the door behind him.

"I don't like the way you look at me." Negan announced, swinging his bat around on the other side of his body, away from Rick.

"What?" Rick looked at him like he was crazy.

"You heard me. I don't like how you glare at me. You look at me like I just kicked your puppy!" Negan responded, and Rick frowned a little.

"Why is that?" Negan inquired, stopping his walk and stopping Rick as well, turning him to face him.

"You're taking our shit, Negan. Of course I'm not going to be your biggest fan." Rick said matter-of-factly, trying to hide any possible give away to the truth. Negan studied him, cocking his head and staring Rick in the eyes, his smile fading a little. Rick could feel himself start to sweat nervously as Negan stared at him, trying to read him.

"Why are you here?" Rick broke the silence, and Negan shook his head a little, obviously in some sort of trance. His signature smirk reappeared on his face as he put his arm around Rick's shoulders once again.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you! I missed you Rick!" Negan exclaimed, starting his walk and bringing a reluctant Rick along. Rick refused to let it show, but hearing that hurt him. Bad. Negan was always the one to say he missed Rick, even if Rick was in the other room, or left the house for the newspaper.

"You missed me? It's been a day." Rick retorted, scoffing a little. He wouldn't let Negan see him smile, see how happy he was to hear that Negan missed him, even if it didn't mean the same thing as it had before.

"I know. I still missed you. What the fuck, am I not allowed to miss you?" Negan demanded playfully, clearly trying to make Rick smile, or laugh. But Rick wouldn't give in, not to this version of Negan. The version of Negan that wasn't his.

"That's not what I said." Rick replied plainly, keeping his voice as emotionless as he could.

"Sure it is! You didn't say it directly but I could guess that's what you fucking meant, Rick. What did I ever do to you?" Negan demanded, and a little voice inside Rick's head told him to just tell Negan the truth. Tell him everything, them getting together before the apocalypse, them taking care of Carl and Judith together. Their reunion, when Rick lost him. Everything. But he didn't, instead, he stayed quiet, simply letting Negan talk.

"You didn't do a damn thing." Rick muttered. And that right there, that was the problem.


	6. The Hilltop and The Kingdom

After Negan's surprise visit, Rick decided to be a lot more careful with what he was talking about when and where. Considering Negan had not only been let in, likely by some other Alexandrian that had no idea who Negan was to Rick, but he'd walked into Rick's house like he owned the place. Which meant that Rick had to start being ten times more cautious about what he did where. 

That afternoon was bright and sunny, and Rick, Daryl and Carol were sitting in his kitchen, talking quietly amongst themselves, careful that if Negan did happen to show up, he wouldn't hear their conversation too well.

"Rick, we're running low on supplies. We have to do something to stop Negan, we have to get him to remember us." Carol leaned on the table, and Daryl nodded. 

"Carol is right. I can only hunt so much. Aaron and Glenn are out on a supply run, but we've been finding less and less the more we go out." Daryl added, and Rick sighed softly. 

"Then we need to attack them. Maybe get some help, from the Hilltop and the Kingdom. I'm sure they would be happy to help. Carol, why don't you, Abraham, Rosita and Daryl go to the Kingdom to talk to Ezekiel. He likes you a lot. I'll go with Glenn, Maggie and Michonne to the Hilltop to talk to Jesus and Gregory." Rick decided, standing up from his chair. 

"Sounds like a plan." Daryl got up, and Carol followed him out of the house, off to look for Abraham and Rosita. Rick hesitated for a second, taking a few deep breaths and reminding himself this was for the better. If they had to go to war with the Saviours just to get Negan back, that was what he would do. He just had to figure out a way to bring Negan back home. That was his only goal at this point.

He found Maggie in the gardens with Enid and Carl, and pulled her aside so they could talk in hushed voices about the plan. She left to find Glenn, and Rick went to find Michonne.

"Michonne" Rick called, finding her in the pantry helping with inventory. She turned to look at him, smiling a little as she walked out of the pantry to greet him.

"Hey, Rick. What's up?" she questioned, and he wiped his face tiredly.

"We're going to try and get Negan back. Me, you, Glenn and Maggie, we're going to go to the Hilltop. Talk to Jesus and Gregory and try to get their help. Daryl, Carol, Abraham and Rosita are going to the Kingdom to talk to Ezekiel, try and get his help. Hopefully, if it all goes well, we're going to meet up and attack the Saviours." Rick explained, and Michonne frowned.

"This sounds like a bad idea, Rick..." she said nervously, and he nodded, sighing a little.

"I know. But... we're low on food, we have no weapons. We need change, and Negan isn't going to stop coming unless we give him a reason to." Rick responded, and she nodded slowly.

"There has to be some way - a less dangerous way - for us to get Negan back on our side. What if we sneak you into his room or something?" she suggested, and he smiled a little, shaking his head and looking at the ground.

"Negan is unpredictable right now. If he walks in his room to find me, god knows if he'll kill me or something. It's a risk." he replied, and she rose a brow.

"But you wouldn't be opposed to taking said risk... would you?" she questioned, and he blushed a little, wondering if she saw it. He truly wouldn't be opposed to surprising Negan in his bedroom, and truthfully, Rick's mind had wandered when she first suggested it. Of course, sex with this Negan would be different. He wouldn't understand Rick the way he used to. But it would still be sex with Negan. Something Rick had honestly missed. 

"If it comes down to that, I'll do it. Whatever it takes to keep Alexandria safe, and the Hilltop, and the Kingdom." Rick maintained some sort professionalism when answering her question, but she saw right through it, and she chuckled softly. He just wanted to be around Negan again, even if that meant they weren't a couple. 

"I get the feeling you just want him around again." she looked at him, and he looked at her. How did she read him like that? She knew exactly what he was thinking. 

"Yeah... I guess so. It wouldn't hurt for Carl and Judith to see him again." Rick nodded. Carl and Judith - who had been kept as far away from Negan as possible when he visited - missed him dearly. Judith was too young to understand where he had gone, even now, Rick hadn't told her that he "died". Carl understood though, and he was upset for a long time after it happened. But now, Rick hoped that he could get Negan back, not just for him, but for Carl and Judith as well. 

"So what if we don't get the Hilltop, or the Kingdom? What if we don't get either?" Michonne crossed her arms, raising a brow.

"I don't know, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. Negan and the Saviours have been taking from them for a long time, longer than they have Alexandria. I'd be surprised if they didn't want some sort of revenge." Rick replied.

"Ezekiel isn't exactly one for violence, Rick. It might just be us doing it." Michonne sighed, and Rick nodded.

"Then so be it." Rick responded. She was quiet for a long time, and before she could say anything, Glenn and Maggie were there.

"Hey, are we going to head out?" Glenn questioned, and Rick nodded.

"I told him the plan. I think Carol, Daryl, Abraham and Rosita already left for the Kingdom. We should leave now if we want to be back at the same time as them." Maggie suggested.

"Then lets go." Michonne said, and led the way to the car. She got in the drivers seat, Maggie and Glenn getting in the back, and Rick opened the gate. Sasha was there to close it.

"Be careful." she looked at him, and Rick nodded.

"Of course." he replied. He went back over to the car, getting in the passenger seat. Michonne pulled out of Alexandria, the gate closing behind them as they set off for the Hilltop


	7. Saving Negan

"Why do you want to go after Negan?" Jesus inquired as Rick walked alongside him.

"Jesus, I promise I'll explain everything. I just want to talk to Gregory as well." Rick responded, and Jesus frowned a little. Michonne, Glenn and Maggie followed a little behind, talking quietly. When they reached the house, Jesus led the way in. 

"Gregory!" he called, and the door to the study opened. Gregory stepped out, looking at Rick, confusion on his face.

"Rick? Why are you here?" Gregory questioned, and Rick glanced at Jesus.

"It's about Negan." Rick started, and Gregory's whole demeanour changed.

Rick explained everything to Jesus and Gregory. His past with Negan, how he'd lost Negan, how they figured out that Negan didn't remember them. Finally getting to the point, which was that they needed Negan to remember Rick. Not just for Rick's sake, but for the sake of the Kingdom, and the Hilltop, and Alexandria. For the safety of all the future generations. 

"So you want us to go to war?" Jesus asked, incredulous. 

"Not just you. I want you, me, Alexandria, the Kingdom. I want us all to join forces, fight them. Try and get Negan back. To.. me..." Rick said hesitantly, and his gaze flicked to Michonne. The room was silent, and Rick looked at Gregory.

"Gregory, please. If I - if we get Negan back on our side, this could change everything. We wouldn't have to live in fear anymore, we'd have enough food for everyone." Rick could see he was swaying him, and Jesus looked at Gregory.

"Maybe this is worth it. If we can get rid of Negan once and for all, we'd be able to live in peace." Jesus was helping Rick, much to Rick's relief. Gregory was silent, mulling over the proposal.

"We'll do it." Gregory finally agreed, and Rick felt a wave of relief, mixed with joy, his him hard. Was he finally going to get Negan back? 

When they reached Alexandria, Daryl, Carol, Abraham and Rosita were waiting for them at the gate. Michonne parked the car to the side, and they got out, going to the group of four.

"How'd it go?" Rick questioned, and Carol smiled widely.

"Ezekiel is in. How about Gregory?" she asked, and Rick nodded.

"He agreed." Rick smiled, and they were all smiles and laughter, relief settling over the group. 

"So that's it? We're going to war with the Saviours?" Abraham questioned, and Rick felt his smile fade a little.

"No. We're saving Negan." Michonne corrected, and Rick turned to her, smiling a little. She squeezed his arm reassuringly, smiling back.


	8. Judith

With the Hilltop and the Kingdom siding with them, Rick finally, for the first time in a long time, had some hope. Hope that he would get back the life he had before the apocalypse, before he lost Negan. A life he kind of missed, if he was honest. Sure, he'd tried to move on, not only for the sake of his kids but for the sake of the group. When he'd found them, they'd all already formed bonds, and become friends. Losing Negan hurt them just as bad as it had hurt him. He was seated on his front porch, Judith on his lap, when Negan walked up to his house. Rick jumped up, immediately wanting to hide Judith, and Carl, who was inside in his room with Enid looking at comic books. He hadn't expected Negan to come, he was two days early. Simon was nowhere to be found, instead only Arat accompanied Negan.

"Rick! Hey!" Negan called, and Rick turned his body away from the steps leading up to the house just the slightest bit, as if Negan hadn't already seen Judith.

"Who do you have there?" Negan questioned, and Arat stayed at the bottom of the stairs, choosing to watch as Negan climbed up the steps and approached Rick. Rick wasn't sure if he wanted to answer, or if he wanted to call Carl down, tell him to take Judith. But Carl would ask questions, especially since Negan, who was supposed to be dead, was standing on their front porch.

"Negan. You're early." Rick muttered, but Negan's eyes were on Judith. He was staring at her, and Rick watched him warily. Before, he wouldn't have any issue with Negan seeing Judith. Before he lost him. Rick watched Negan's eyes, and he saw a flicker of familiarity, of uncertainty. Negan was studying Judith, brows furrowed. He recognized her. At least Rick thought he did. Rick felt a sliver of hope bloom in his chest. He hadn't even considered it. It made sense though. With patients that had memory loss, doctors tried to get things that would trigger their memory. Things that would make them remember. Rick kicked himself for not thinking of this. Negan had been very close with Carl and Judith, even before the apocalypse, and more so during the apocalypse.

"Who's this sweet little girl?" Negan asked softly, still in a dazed state as he stared at Judith. Rick could see in his eyes that he was trying to figure out how he knew her, how she was so familiar. He hadn't seen her before, thanks to Rick hiding her as best as he could.

"This is Judith..." Rick said quietly, looking at her, his gaze softening as she grinned at Negan. She recognized him.

"Judith..." Negan mumbled, and Rick looked at him once again. Negan wasn't even looking at her anymore, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly in pain. Rick felt another set of eyes on him, and looked at Judith, but her eyes were on Negan. Then he saw Arat, staring at him curiously. She didn't say a word, but when he looked at her, she looked away instantly, looking down at the ground, almost in shame. He brushed it off, turning back to Negan.

"Do you need something, Negan?" Rick questioned, and Negan's gaze snapped back up to Rick's. He looked confused, and Rick felt a pang of guilt. Negan blinked a few times, not saying a single word.

"Negan. Let's get home, we don't need anything anyways." Arat spoke up, climbing up the stairs and putting her hand on Negan's arm. Negan hesitated, looking at Rick, then Judith.

"Negan." Arat repeated his name, and Negan nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go." Negan muttered, and walked down the steps, Arat following close behind. He didn't look back once, and Rick watched as he disappeared. What the hell had happened there? Did Negan remember him? Judith? Rick wondered briefly if he should get Carl to see Negan again, to see if it triggered Negan's memory at all. It wouldn't be a horrible idea. Maybe it would be better than attacking the Saviours. Rick sat back down, Judith perched on his knee, staring at the place Negan had once stood.

He'd left Lucille.


	9. Simon and Arat

For the next few weeks, much to everyone's disappointment, Rick refused to attack the Saviours. When Negan came to get his share the week after the Judith incident, he got Lucille too. Rick was waiting at the gate, the bat in hand, ready to see Negan and listen to whatever ridiculous pickup lines the man had this time. But, Negan didn't speak to Rick. As a matter of fact, Rick felt like he was avoiding him completely, which was odd. It had been three weeks since the Judith incident when Negan didn't show up. It was only Simon and Arat. The next week, Negan didn't come again, and they were a day early.

"Where's Negan?" Rick questioned. He'd approached the gate when he'd heard their cars approaching. He was sick of Negan avoiding him, intending to corner the taller man and demanding he tell Rick just what was wrong. Simon took one look at him, and looked at Arat.

"We need to talk. Me, you and Arat." Simon declared, and Rick glanced at Michonne, who was looked at him curiously.

"About?" Rick questioned, but Simon had already grabbed his arm, hauling him towards his house. Arat followed, shooting a sharp glare at Daryl and Michonne, who had tried to follow. When they reached Rick's house, Carol was seated outside, with Judith on her lap, and Carl sitting beside her.

"Carol, take Judith and Carl to your house." Rick threw out before Simon dragged him inside. Arat kicked the door closed behind him, and Simon threw Rick on his couch.

"Rick Grimes is your real name?" Simon demanded, and Rick snuck a glance at Arat, who was positioned by the door.

"Hey!" Simon yelled, and Rick turned to look at him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Rick inquired, and Simon started pacing, shooting a stress-filled look at Arat.

"Simon. Relax." Arat called, and Simon stopped pacing, now opting to bite his nail.

"What the hell is going on?" Rick asked.

"You knew Negan. Didn't you?" Simon demanded, and Rick felt his blood run cold. He glanced back at Arat again, who was watching him expectantly.

"What makes you think that?" Rick questioned, looking between the two of them. Arat left her spot at the door, standing behind Rick on the couch. Simon put his hands on the back of the couch, pinning Rick down.

"Answer the question, Rick." Simon growled, and Rick swallowed hard.

"Simon, lay off." Arat shoved his shoulder, and Simon took a step back.

"I did." Rick finally found his voice, and Simon looked at him with wide eyes. Rick felt Arat go rigid behind him. Simon stood up, at his full height, silent for a long time.

"What's it to you?" Rick demanded, his curiosity getting the best of him. Simon resumed pacing, and this time Arat took the wheel.

"We um... we heard Negan talking to someone. Or maybe himself. He's just been acting really funny since the whole thing with your daughter... Judith?" Arat seemed to be guessing the name, and Rick found himself nodding, confirming that she guessed right. He felt like her knowing his daughters name shouldn't sit right with him, that he should want to hurt her for just knowing Judith's name. But he found that he didn't care.

"What was he saying?" Rick questioned, remembering that she mentioned Negan was talking to someone.

"He kept mumbling stuff about you, Judith. Someone named Carl? And Daryl, Carol, Glenn, I know those are people that live here. Then he said something about a woman named Andrea? And someone named Shane? Um... he mentioned Dale... Sophia, Ed... Amy... T-Dog... Merle..." Simon trailed off, clearly trying to remember names. Rick recoiled at the mention of all those people, the memories of all their deaths hitting him like a ton of bricks. Both Simon and Arat saw him flinch, and Arat went around the couch to stand beside Simon.

"You know who those people are, don't you?" Arat questioned, and Rick wanted to sink into the couch. He didn't want to talk about Andrea, the woman he had failed to save. T-Dog, who had died saving Carol. Poor, innocent Sophia, who he'd failed to save as well. Amy, who had been so sweet and caring, and had gotten the harsh, gruesome death she never deserved. But Shane was the one person he didn't want to talk about. Shane, who had been his best friend since high school. Shane, who had always been there for Rick, when he had Carl, when he had Judith, when Lori died, when he got with Negan. When Negan died. And then he'd been forced to kill Shane.

"I did." Rick muttered, eyes dropping to the hardwood floors. Arat and Simon were quiet for a moment, and in Rick's peripheral, he saw them exchange glances.

"You did?" Simon seemed to want to double check what he was hearing.

"Except for me, Carl, Judith, Daryl, Carol and Glenn, they're all dead." Rick met Simon's gaze. For the first time, the two in front of Rick seemed to show emotions. Arat looked down at the ground, and Simon pressed his lips together.

"I'm sorry. We've all lost someone and that... that sucks." Simon rubbed his face tiredly, and Rick nodded, getting up on his feet.

"Negan knew them." Rick added, and Simon tensed.

"That's why we're here. To talk about Negan." Arat piped up, and Rick looked at her.

"We have... something we have to admit..." Simon started, and Rick sat down hesitantly, bracing himself for the worst.


	10. Memory

"When I found Negan, he was unconscious in a mall. Bleeding from the head, under a display, away from the dead ones. I thought he was dead." Simon started, and it was Rick's turn to get tense, eying them warily.

"I started to get his guns, but he said... 'Daryl'... he thought I was Daryl.. I couldn't just leave him there. So, I brought him back, helped him recover with Arat. At the time, it was only a handful of us. Me, Arat and a few others. Negan was the one that started the Saviours, that gained a following." Simon continued, and Rick watched him.

"When we brought him back, he couldn't tell us anything. He couldn't even tell us his name." Simon chuckled softly, and Arat glanced at him.

"We figured out his name was Negan, but he could barely remember anything else. He didn't know where he came from, he didn't even know why he'd called me Daryl. But, when he was drifting in and out of consciousness, while he was healing the first few days he was with us, he kept saying Rick. Over and over again, we couldn't understand why. He would call your name in his sleep, when we were trying to feed him, checking his vitals. When he woke up, he had no idea who Rick was." Simon explained, and at that, Rick flinched. Imagining Negan alone, in some random place, scared, cold. Calling Rick's name but getting nothing in return. It made Rick's throat burn, and tears well in his eyes. He prayed they didn't see. But Arat did.

"He wasn't just a friend, was he Rick?" she asked, and he was quiet.

"Just tell me how he got to you." Rick mumbled.

"Once he healed, he took the title of leader, and got a following. That's really it." Simon finished, and Rick was silent.

"Who was Negan to you, Rick?" Arat demanded, and Rick wished she hadn't asked. He wished that she wouldn't care, that he hadn't reacted the way he did. But, it was too late for that.

"He was my boyfriend." Rick answered flatly, and they were all dead quiet.

"We met before the world went to shit. I'd lost my wife a few months prior when she had Judith, and I met him at a bar. He hit it off with my kids, Carl and Judith, and we started dating. I was a cop - with the guy Shane he was talking about - and I got shot on duty. I went into a coma, and when I woke up everything had already happened. Shane got Negan, Carl and Judith out to safety. With all those other people." Rick took a shaky breath, not realizing he'd started crying.

"I thought I lost them forever. When I saw him, holding Judith..." Rick stopped, looking down at his hands.

"How did you... lose him?" Simon asked hesitantly.

"He went out on a run with Daryl and Glenn. They told me there was a hoard of walkers, that they thought he'd gotten bit, and he told them to just go, that he'd catch up. They came back and he never caught up. I thought he died." Rick responded quietly.

"I'm sorry.. we kept him from you all this time..." Simon started, but Rick got up, shaking his head.

"Don't be. He didn't remember me anyways, he probably never will again." Rick replied.

"That isn't totally true. He's remembering names, it's a good sign." Arat argued. Rick was quiet. He hated that he was getting his hopes up, because he knew that he'd just get them crushed if Negan didn't remember him. It sucked.

"Yeah. We'll see." Rick said quietly.


	11. A Day Early

"The fuck are you two doing here? A day early!" Negan demanded at the gate as Simon and Arat approached. He was flanked with Saviours, his trusty Lucille slung over his shoulder. He hadn't seen Rick, who was behind Simon and Arat.

"They were talking to me." Rick answered. Upon seeing Rick, Negan seemed to shrink down.

"Rick. Good to see you." Negan's tone was flat, emotionless. Rick glanced at Michonne, who was manning the gate. Daryl, who was standing a little ways behind Rick. Maggie, who was up on the watchtower. Arat didn't say a word, simply going behind Negan.

"Negan, where have you been these past two weeks?" Rick questioned, and Negan seemed to want to look at everything but Rick. Rick glanced back at Michonne again, who was watching curiously. Daryl was shifting nervously from foot to foot. 

"Negan?" Rick repeated his name.

"Simon. Arat. We're leaving, now. Rick, we'll be back next week for our stuff." was all Negan said, and he walked away, leaving Rick standing there, jaw ajar in shock. What the hell was wrong with Negan.

"Negan?" Carl called behind Rick, and Rick whirled around.

"Carl. Go home, now!" Rick ordered, heart racing. Carl wasn't supposed to see Negan, not yet. Not like this. 

"Carl?" Negan called at the gate, and before Rick could chew Carl out for being out here, he'd been distracted by Negan, who was staring at Carl curiously. 

"Negan." Carl went towards the gate, and Rick grabbed his shirt, yanking him backwards.

"Michonne, can you take him home please." Rick looked at her, and she nodded. She grabbed his arm, bringing him back to the house, and Rick went to the gate.

"Carl.. I... I need to go..." Negan muttered, going to his truck and getting in. 

"Negan!" Rick called his name again, and Simon glanced between the two.

"I'll be back next week.." Simon was almost hesitant to leave, but he got in the truck, and Rick could only watch as they disappeared. 

"Next week..." Rick muttered.

The next week, Rick was waiting at the gate. But, instead of Negan, it was Simon, and only Simon.

"Rick! Hey!" Simon walked through the gate, wrapping an arm around Rick's shoulders the way Negan had. Rick tensed, eying him nervously.

"Boys, get our stuff! I'm going to talk to Rick." Simon smiled, and they started walking. Simon's smile dropped as they got farther away.

"I need you to come to the Sanctuary." Simon said flatly, keeping his voice low.

"What? Why?" Rick looked at him incredulously. Simon sighed, glancing back at the men and continuing to walk. 

"Negan is... upset. Ever since he saw little Carl he's been.. weird. Skittish." Simon seemed to be struggling for words, and Rick frowned. 

"What? How?" Rick questioned. 

"He just.. he won't eat, he won't sleep. He keeps having panic attacks, he'll lock himself in a room and won't let us in. It's worrying us, me and Arat. We don't know what to do." Simon admitted, and Rick was quiet. Negan was having panic attacks? He wasn't eating? Or sleeping?

"I'll go." Rick nodded, and Simon looked at him, surprised.

"Oh. Alright, that took a lot less than Arat thought it would." Simon turned, leading them back to the trucks.

"Ricky is going to come with us!" Simon announced, and when Rick saw a few people ready to come to his aid, he shook his head. He had to help Negan.


	12. The Sanctuary

When Simon parked at the Sanctuary, the other Saviours regarded Rick with almost disgusted looks. Rick remembered that Simon had told him that only he and Arat knew of Negan's current state. Knew everything about Negan and Rick. Simon grabbed him by the arm harshly.

"Unload all the shit. I'm going to talk to Negan." Simon yelled, and they did as they were told. Simon was rough with Rick until they were out of the other Saviours sight, and then let go of his arm, letting Rick walk on his own.

"I'll go in first. Just make sure he's alright, you wait in the hall." Simon instructed as they climbed up a flight of stairs. Rick found that he was a little nervous, mostly because he didn't know what he was about to see. When they reached the end of a long hallway, Simon planted him to the left of the door.

"Stay right here. I'll be back." Simon went to the door, opening it slowly. Rick peeked in, and caught a glance of Arat sitting beside Negan on a bed. Then, Simon shut the door, and Rick was left alone with his thoughts. What if Negan didn't want to see him? What if he shut down when he saw Rick? What if one of the other Saviours caught Rick here talking to their boss, who he'd happened to have slept with? Rick leaned on the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets. He had no clue what he'd say if another Saviour happened to see him here. The door opened slowly, and Simon stood there.

"Come on." Simon motioned for Rick to follow, and Rick got off the wall, walking into the room. The room itself was a mess, with clothes everywhere. Arat was still on the bed, and Rick found it strange to see her with her arm around Negan, showing genuine affection. Negan was still, slumped on the bed, with his head down. Simon closed the door quietly, and Rick shot a quick glance at him to find he was at the door. Arat looked at Rick, and then got up.

"We're going to let you two talk." Arat informed him, giving Negan's shoulder one last squeeze. Negan looked up, and saw Rick. Rick stopped walking, going still as Negan observed him. Arat brushed by Rick, going for the door. He heard the door open, and click shut as the two left the room. The moment they left Negan got up, taking a step away from Rick. It hurt, badly, but Rick could understand why.

"Do you remember?" Rick questioned, and Negan was silent. Rick took another few steps forward, but for every step he took towards him, Negan stepped back. When he hit the wall, Rick opted to stop walking, so he didn't freak him out anymore.

"Negan." Rick said softly, and Negan shrugged a little.

"I don't know. Stuff keeps coming to me in little bursts... I don't know if it's real or not, Rick." Negan sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and Rick wanted nothing more than to hug him, and hold him close. Tell him that everything would be alright.

"Why don't we sit down, talk about it." Rick proposed, and Negan hesitated, but nodded slowly. Inching towards the bed, Rick let Negan sit down first, then sat down, leaving a little distance between them.

"What do you remember?" Rick asked gently.

"I remember um... the people at the camp in Atlanta... I remember... Shane and I's.. relationship?" Negan tried, looking at Rick desperately for help.

"Shane was my best friend. When the virus hit, I was in a coma, in the hospital. I'd been shot. Shane got you, Carl and Judith to safety, and you two started... I don't know if you were dating or just fucking." Rick admitted, and Negan nodded slowly.

"Okay..." Negan took a breath, furrowing his brow. Rick shifted a little closer to Negan, so desperate to be close to him, and he heard Negan's breath catch as he looked at Rick for a brief moment. Rick decided to stay where he was after that.

"I remember I was with... Glenn? And Daryl? We were in a mall... there were so many of the... dead ones. I told them to go, and I hit my head hard." Negan frowned a little.

"How about things with me? What do you remember about me?" Rick pushed a little. Negan was quiet for a long time, and Rick almost repeated the question.

"I remember seeing you again for the first time since everything went to shit." Negan said softly, and Rick sucked in a breath.

"I remember... holding Judith in my arms.. when you got out of that truck..." Negan's hand wiped at his face, and Rick wondered if Negan was crying. He'd never seen Negan like this, this weak, this vulnerable. It made his chest ache, made him want to wipe the tears from Negan's face and promise that everything would be alright.

"I remember before the apocalypse. Meeting you, being with you. I think I remember everything." Negan admitted, and Rick felt hope bloom in his chest.

"Yeah?" Rick said softly, and Negan nodded. Finally looking at Rick, this time with his eyes a little red, and Rick realized he had been crying.

"Yeah." Negan whispered.


	13. Can I Kiss You?

They sat in silence, and Rick wondered if Arat and Simon were outside listening. 

"Hey Rick?" Negan's voice was gravelly, and it sent a chill down Rick's spine. Rick looked at him, his heart racing.

"What's up?" Rick asked gently.

"Can I um... can I kiss you?" Negan questioned, his voice low. The question took Rick by surprise, but his breath caught in his throat. 

"What?" Rick said softly, in disbelief. Negan looked at him, eyes wide and scared.

"No, wait, never mind. That was a stupid question." Negan stumbled over his words, but Rick grabbed his face gently, kissing him for the first time in ages. It felt so right. Everything about it, his lips on Negan's, how Negan's breath caught when Rick kissed him. Rick's anxiety melted away as he found his hand going down to Negan's waist, slipping under the jacket but staying above the shirt. Negan was the one to pull away, panting softly as he blinked at Rick.

"You alright?" Rick questioned, his face mere inches from Negan's. Negan didn't answer right away, his eyes flicking from Rick's eyes to his lips. 

"Um... yeah." Negan mumbled, and Rick cupped his face gently.

"Negan. Was that okay?" Rick asked more firmly, and Negan nodded.

"Yeah. Just surprised me... I don't know, I would've thought you'd have moved on.." Negan turned away, getting his face out of Rick's grasp and looking at the carpet.

"Negan." Rick said sharply. Negan didn't answer, wiping his face again.

"Negan." Rick repeated, and grabbed his face, careful not to hurt him, and turned his head.

"I didn't move on. I couldn't." Rick admitted, and there was a beat of silence. And then Negan was kissing him again, hands gripping Rick's shirt tightly. Rick put his hands back on Negan's hips, and squeezed his waist. Negan made a sound, something that was a cross between a moan and a whine. Rick smiled a little at the noise, Negan pulled away, flushed. 

"Come." Negan pulled Rick by his shirt backwards, up onto the bed. Rick blushed a little, and followed him up. He ended up on top of Negan, his legs straddling Negan's waist and his hands on either side of Negan's head. He stared at Negan, blue eyes studying his face. His hazel eyes, looking right back at Rick, the way his lips were parted just the slightest bit. Rick simply looked at him, and Negan squirmed a little, cheeks going red.

"Rick.." Negan mumbled, and Rick grinned.

"Negan?" Rick responded teasingly.

"Quit it." Negan mumbled, and Rick chuckled, kissing him once again. Negan's hands gripped Rick's waist, and Rick shifted his weight to his left arm, so he could run his fingers through Negan's hair. Just the feeling of Negan under him was enough to drive Rick insane. It had been so long since he'd been like this with Negan. Rick's lips left Negan's, trailing down his jaw, to his neck, biting gently at the skin there. Negan gasped softly, his hands wrapping around Rick and holding him close. Holy hell had Rick missed this. The only thing that stopped him was the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. Rick turned, and Negan whined just a little when Rick's lips left his neck. Simon stood there, wide eyed, with Arat in the doorway. 

"Uh... hey.." Rick trailed off a little, blushing as he sat up, straddling Negan's waist. Negan sat up on his elbows, bright red.

"I um.. sorry for interrupting." Simon stumbled, and Rick blushed more.

"Do you need something?" Negan's tone had changed completely, and it took Rick by surprise. It sounded like the Negan he'd met at the gate. 

"No.. just checking in, it got really quiet." Arat had a half smirk on her face. 

"Simon, let's go." Arat grabbed his arm, the smirk getting wider as she pulled Simon out of the room. The door shut quickly, and Rick turned back to Negan. Negan was staring at him, blinking slowly. He licked his lips, and Rick leaned back down, kissing him once again.

"I better go." Rick was bright red, the reality that he had to get home before dark or his people would worry crushing the mood. Negan whined softly as Rick got off the bed, and smoothed his shirt down.

"Rick.. stay, please." Negan pleaded, and Rick shivered, looking at his watch. So what if he stayed the night. They would know what happened, right? He looked back at Negan, the man that everyone seemed to hate now. He hadn't moved, still in the same position, a dark shade of red covering his face. Rick mumbled something about not going back to Alexandria and returned to Negan, kissing him and covering him with his body once again. Negan let out a soft sigh of relief when Rick kissed him again. Rick kissed his neck again, letting Negan grip his shirt and listening as he moaned softly whenever Rick bit his neck. 

"What if we just never leave this bed?" Negan mumbled. Rick chuckled softly, letting his fingers run through Negan's hair, pulling slightly. Negan whined again, and Rick smiled. 

"Negan, are you sure about this?" Rick asked, and Negan nodded quickly, going for Rick's shirt. He unbuttoned it quickly, and Rick shrugged it off, tossing it somewhere behind him as he went for Negan's jacket. He pulled Negan up, so that Rick was sitting in his lap, and pulled his jacket off, then his shirt. He threw them away, more focused on getting Negan out of his clothes. Rick went for Negan's jeans next, unbuttoning them and pushing them down, all while kissing Negan's jaw, and his neck. Negan put his arms around Rick, pulling him impossibly closer, and Rick groaned softly.

"I didn't realize how much I missed you.." Negan mumbled in Rick's ear, and it brought goosebumps to Rick's skin. Rick went for his own jeans, pulling them off and kicking them away. Negan kicked his own jeans off, sighing happily when he was able to get his arms back around Rick. 

"Lube." Negan reached for his drawer, pulling out a half empty bottle, which earned a look of amusement from Rick. Negan blushed, rolling his eyes at the look Rick gave him.

"Good to see you didn't change, Negan." Rick kissed him once more, a smile on his face.


	14. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning! If you dislike skip it now :)

Rick kissed along Negan's neck, pulling off both their boxers and never breaking away from his neck, which was now littered with dark hickeys. Negan whined softly as Rick held his waist, kissing him gently and biting his bottom lip.

"Patience, baby." Rick mumbled, and ran his hand down Negan's side slowly, creeping closer and closer to his dick. Negan blushed, putting his face in Rick's neck and sighing in relief when Rick finally touched him. Rick felt a smile creep up his face at Negan's reaction, slowly moving his hand on Negan's dick.

"I missed you." Rick mumbled in his ear, and Negan shuddered under him. Oh, how Rick had missed this. Missed feeling Negan under him, kissing him, touching him. Everything about him. Negan grabbed at his waist desperately, and Rick smiled.

"You that desperate love?" Rick questioned, and Negan chuckled softly.

"Tease." Negan rolled his eyes, and Rick grabbed him harder. Negan went tense underneath him, and Rick kissed his jaw once more, and then kissed down his chest. Negan watched him, breathing shakily. Rick sat up a little, smiling and kissing him again. He grabbed the lube, opening it and straddling Negan's waist.

"How are we going to do this?" Rick questioned, not totally sure that Negan would want to go back to how they did it before. Negan looked him in the eye, studying him.

"I want you to fuck me." Negan said bluntly. The words made Rick's breathing stutter, and he looked at Negan. It took a moment for Rick to respond, and he simply nodded, pouring lube on his hand and slowly moving to Negan's entrance. Giving Negan plenty of time to stop it, still, but he knew that Negan was all in. He started with one finger, and again, he remembered how much he'd missed Negan.

"Shit Rick, you haven't lost your touch." Negan commented as Rick added another finger. Negan exhaled shakily, fingers digging into Rick's shoulders as Rick moved a little faster, adding a third finger. 

"Jesus... I don't know how I forgot this..." Negan mumbled, eyes closed tightly and his head tilted back. Rick smiled, going for his throat and kissing gently. 

"You ready?" Rick questioned, glancing up at Negan.

"More than ready... Christ Rick.." Negan whined softly, and Rick grinned. After saying another prayer that Simon and Arat wouldn't walk in on them again, he used the remaining lube on his hand on his dick. He grabbed Negan's hip with one hand, and looked at him one more time. Then in one smooth motion, he was in. Negan grabbed at him, fingernails dragging down his back, and Rick was sure that he would be bleeding by the end. But he didn't mind. It was all worth it in the end. He moved slowly at first, letting Negan adjust. 

"Rick.." Negan panted, and Rick looked up at him.

"You okay?" Rick asked, and Negan nodded.

"Yes.. yeah just move. Faster. Please." Negan could barely speak in full sentences, and Rick nodded, adjusting his position before moving a little faster. Negan moaned louder than before, and Rick wondered if anyone could hear them. He wanted people to hear them. So he moved even faster, and Negan's head tilted all the way back. Rick kissed his neck, sucking hickeys as Negan shook under him. 

"Rick... I'm gonna cum.." Negan gasped, and Rick nodded.

"Good." Rick mumbled, knowing that he was close as well. He kept going, going as fast as he could. Rick watched as Negan came apart, his eyes screwing shut as Rick followed close behind him. Rick pulled out, and Negan stayed still for a long time.

"You alright Negan?" Rick asked softly, brushing hair out of his face. Negan nodded, opening his eyes and looking at Rick. 

"Wow..." Negan chuckled quietly, and Rick smiled, pulling him close.


	15. Happy Again

Rick held Negan close, running his fingers through his hair. Negan wrapped his arms around him pressing his face to Rick's bare chest. Rick pulled the blanket a little further up, covering Negan more.

"You alright?" Rick asked quietly, and Negan nodded. 

"I'm alright." Negan nodded. That had been something Rick had done repeatedly, asking if Negan was okay, if he was comfortable with what was happening Negan's answer was always yes. Rick was just happy to feel Negan under him again, to kiss him, touch him. 

"I missed you... so much, Negan..." Rick whispered, and Negan closed his eyes, shifting closer to Rick. Rick kissed his head, and Negan smiled.

"I missed you too Rick. All of you." Negan replied.

"What happened to you Negan?" Rick asked. It was a question he was dying to know, bothering him for ages. Negan played with Rick's fingers, quiet. 

"I don't remember much. I woke up here, in this bed. Simon was sitting beside me, reading a book. I scared the shit out of him." Negan chuckled.

"When I woke up, I was very disoriented. It was super confusing.. I didn't know who I was, where I came from, where I was." Negan's voice got quieter, and he seemed to shrink down. Rick kept his arm wrapped tightly around Negan. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, Negan..." Rick rested his chin on Negan's hair.

"It's not your fault." Negan replied, and Rick frowned a little.

"I'm glad they found you. Seriously." Rick said quietly. 

"I am too." Negan admitted. 

"How about you? What's happened to you?" Negan asked shifting so he could look at Rick. 

"Well... lot of people died.. Daryl, Carol, Glenn, Carl, Judith and I are the only ones left." Rick replied. Negan sat up a little, looking at him with wide eyes. 

"You're joking." Negan said lowly, and Rick shook his head. 

"It all happened so fast.." Rick stopped himself, looking at Negan. Negan was quiet, clearly processing everything he'd been told.

"I'm sorry... I wasn't there Rick... I should've been..." Negan mumbled, and Rick shook his head a little.

"Don't do that Negan. What happened isn't your fault. It never will be." Rick cupped his face again, and Negan sighed, shifting his chin out of Rick's hand. Rick frowned, grabbing his face again.

"Negan. It isn't your fault." Rick repeated, and Negan was quiet.

"I feel like shit... I didn't remember you, I didn't remember anything. I hurt you, Rick." Negan sat up, away from Rick, and Rick sat up as well, reaching for Negan.

"Negan, you didn't hurt me. You could never hurt me. It isn't your fault that you lost your memory, everything that happened. It was never your fault." Rick grabbed his chin, pulling him closer. This time, Negan seemed to melt into his touch this time, closing his eyes and shifting closer to him. Rick gently put his arms around Negan, kissing his neck gently. 

"I need you to say it, Negan." Rick gently lowered him down into the pillows, and Negan watched him. Rick put a hand around Negan's waist, kissing him once more. He couldn't get enough of it. 

"Say what?" Negan asked quietly.

"Say that it isn't your fault. Because it's not." Rick insisted, and Negan was quiet. 

"Can we just drop it?" Negan sat up, but this time Rick got on top of him, straddling him and pinning his wrists above his head. Negan was still, his breath hitching when Rick leaned down.

"Say it Negan." Rick said, and Negan sighed. 

"It's not my fault." Negan muttered, and Rick nodded, letting go of his wrists and getting off of him. 

"Right." Rick mumbled, kissing him once again. Rick was quiet after that, happy to run his fingers through Negan's dark hair. Negan gradually fell asleep, and Rick did as well. Happy, again, finally.


	16. Not If You Die First

When Rick woke up the next morning, Negan was gone. Rick sat up, slipping out of bed and pulling on his boxers. 

"Negan?" he called, going to the bathroom and knocking on the door. No answer. Rick frowned a little, grabbing his clothes and getting dressed. Where had Negan gone? He opened the door, peeking his head out into the hall only to find Simon leaning against the wall.

"You're looking for Negan aren't you?" Simon got off the wall, and Rick blushed a little. 

"Um.. yeah.." Rick stepped out into the hall, smoothing down his shirt.

"Well, I don't know what you - well I do know what you did to him," Simon smirked, and Rick went an even darker shade of red. 

"But, whatever happened, he's ordering that we either join you and your group or we die." Simon crossed his arms, and it took Rick completely by surprise. 

"What? You're joking." Rick was ready for Simon to admit he was in fact, pulling Rick's leg. But Simon simply smiled a little, nodding.

"I think... it's going to work out for you Rick." Simon put a hand on his shoulder, and Rick smiled a little, chuckling softly.

"He remembered me." Rick said softly. 

"Come on, follow me, I'll take you to him." Simon led the way down the hall, and they went down a flight of stairs. Negan was talking to Arat, standing off to the side of the room. 

"Negan!" Simon yelled, and Rick was suddenly aware that all eyes were on him. Everyone, except for Simon, Arat and Negan, was glaring at him like they wanted him dead. He suddenly realized that Negan had changed the rules for him, and they didn't like that. Not one bit. Rick followed close behind Simon, as if the taller man was some kind of bodyguard. When they reached Negan, Arat shot a harsh glare at a few people looking. They immediately looked away, and returned to their activities.

"Sleeping beauty is awake!" Simon announced, and Negan looked at Rick with a warm smile. Rick felt all his nerves melt away the moment he saw Negan, but he stopped. He couldn't just hug Negan, he'd think it was weird.

"Come here and hug me." Negan grabbed him, and as he was pressed to Negan's chest, Rick remembered that he could just hug Negan. Negan was back, his Negan. Finally. 

"Negan!" a man spoke up from somewhere in the room, and Negan let go of Rick, looking over. 

"What?" Negan called back, and Rick felt Negan nudging him behind his body protectively.

"We won't join forces with his group." the man motioned to Rick. The way the man had said Rick's name made Rick's chest fill with dread. Something bad was about to happen. 

"We are the Saviours." the man growled, and Negan glared at him, mouth pressed in a thin line. 

"Then you'll die." Negan said matter-of-factly.

"Not if you die first." the man retorted. 

There was a gunshot. There was yelling. Negan fell to the ground. Arat shot the other guy. Simon and Arat helped Rick help Negan out. Arat and Simon covered them as Rick dragged Negan out to a car. 

"We need to go to Alexandria." Rick said shakily, pressing his hands to the bullet wound.


	17. Happy Endings

When they pulled up to the gate, Rick had to leave Negan in the car, yelling at them to open the god damn gate. Tara hurried to do so, and Rick jumped back in the car. When Simon pulled in and off to the side, Rick got out, as did Arat and Simon. Everyone was on guard when they saw the two get out of the car, watching warily.

"What's going on?" Michonne approached Rick quickly, and Rick went to the back, helping Negan out.

"We need to save him." Rick looked at her, and she pursed her lips. 

"Daryl, Aaron, get some restraints on those two." Michonne motioned to Simon and Arat, and Rick didn't have time to argue, he was too busy trying to get Negan to the infirmary. Tara followed, as she was the only one with any sort of medical experience. Rick lowered Negan onto the bed, out of breath and covered in blood.

"Save him, Tara. Please." Rick looked at her in the eyes, desperate. She was quiet, looking at Negan for a long time.

"Fine." she muttered.

When Negan woke up, he was greeted with Rick's sky blue eyes. He managed a weak smile, and Rick perked up when he saw that Negan was awake.

"Hey, how are you? You feeling okay?" Rick questioned, standing up a little.

"I'm fine, don't worry. Just happy to be alive." Negan chuckled, and Rick smiled a little. 

"I thought I lost you.. again..." Rick trailed off, and Negan looked at him. 

"I'm sorry... I..." Negan went quiet, looking down at his hands. 

"It's fine." Rick squeezed his hand gently. Negan looked at him, quiet.

"Are Simon and Arat-"

"They're alive. They're outside right now, waiting for you to wake up." Rick cut him off, and Negan breathed a sigh of relief. Through it all, Arat and Simon had been the most loyal to him. He was glad they weren't dead.

"They'll be happy to see you." Rick got up, but Negan grabbed his wrist. Rick stopped, looking at him.

"The Saviours will be back again, Rick. I don't know if I can control them anymore." Negan admitted, feeling like he'd failed Rick.

"We'll be ready, Negan. I promise. I won't ever lose you again." Rick squeezed his hand gently, kissing him, and Negan smiled, fully believing Rick's words.


End file.
